


but tell me now, where was my fault

by mollivanders



Category: Lost
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-28
Updated: 2010-06-28
Packaged: 2017-10-30 11:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/331108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mollivanders/pseuds/mollivanders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The bomb goes off.</p><p><i>Juliet feels it work</i>, feels time rushing past her, over her, taking her back to childhood and past all the choices that brought her to the island, to the people she came to love and <i>not</i> love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	but tell me now, where was my fault

**Author's Note:**

> **Title: but tell me now, where was my fault**  
>  Rating: PG-13  
> Characters: Jack/Juliet, Charlotte  
> Spoilers/Warnings: Through S6 Finale  
> Prompt: [Mumford and Sons - White Blank Page](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYQ_lse44gQ). I assumed the AU verse was real and we just didn't get to see it.  
> Disclaimer: LOST belongs to _ABC_ , I own nothing.

The bomb goes off.

 _Juliet feels it work_ , feels time rushing past her, over her, taking her back to childhood and past all the choices that brought her to the island, to the people she came to love and _not_ love.

She doesn’t start over where she left off (starts as a very young girl, carrying the memories of a woman).

It’s not something she can explain to her parents, or even her sister. Juliet wonders if Rachel remembers, if she knows about the cancer and Julian and how her sister disappeared for six years, never came back before the story started over.

Juliet is still a girl when the memories of the woman start to fade. She remembers a lush island, tropical rainstorms, and a few scattered names. _Jack. James. Ben. Harper._ She can’t decide if the last is a man or a woman, and wonders why in her fantasy world she has so few friends.

Defying her future (her past), Juliet becomes very good at making friends. There’s a girl named Cassidy and a girl named Charlotte she meets while studying abroad in England, who convinces her to switch her degree from chemistry to archeology. A warning memory echoes in Juliet’s mind, argues somehow medicine is important, but she pushes it aside for a year while she and Charlotte tag along with an excavation in South Africa.

They dig up white bones, identify them, classify them, and put them away in boxes. It’s not familiar at all and Juliet enjoys the hard work, enjoys forcing herself to learn something for the first time and the sweat that runs down her back in the hot sun. The dirt gets everywhere and her nails break and her lips chap and for the first time in her lives, she’s happy. Juliet and Charlotte are more reckless than the others and explore the jungle on their own, carrying guns and water bottles and watching for locals who might object to their intrusion.

At night, they roll their sleeping bags out next to each other and name the stars. So far from home, neither woman knows the constellations so they make up names for the star clusters, complete with mythology and heroes. Charlotte’s the best at the storytelling and tells of heroines who disappear in dark tunnels and fight smoke-like monsters before coming out the other end.

Juliet’s not sure, but thinks she remembers something like this happening (once upon a time).

On their way home, Juliet’s caught in a net and terrified, waits while Charlotte climbs the tree, saws the rope loose with a knife, and forgets to catch her on the way down. A sharp _crack_ echoes through the jungle and Juliet screams, can’t help herself, and knows they have to run faster than ever.

Charlotte half-carries her back to camp and makes up a story about falling down a hill, goes with her in the airlift to the city hospital and swears she won’t tell anyone what really happened unless Juliet wants her to, knows they would both be sent home and Juliet shakes her head, furious. _Don’t you dare,_ she curses, the thought of losing the sand and sun more than she can accept.

At the hospital, they set her arm in two places and warn Juliet she’s fractured two ribs. 

_How high was this hill?_ they ask, not doctors for nothing, knowing the difference between a spill and a crash.

Before she can leave, they make her get spinal x-rays, _just in case_. Charlotte rolls her eyes and provides commentary on racking up hospital bills, but Juliet can’t argue because the name of the doctor is too familiar.

Dr. Jack Shephard is just another resident who decided to work abroad, because that’s what Shephards don’t do. Juliet sees that right away and Charlotte takes the hint, slips out of the room and waits in the hallway while Juliet tries to remember what this man means to her, and why she dreamt about him in another life.

She wants to ask him if he remembers - a lush jungle, a sterile room, _I made it myself_ , a broken plate at her throat, a surgery to remove his appendix, a borrowed kiss in the bright sunlight.

It doesn’t feel like a dream when he’s standing right next to her and Juliet swallows, tries to pay attention. He doesn’t look much older than her and she smiles, bravely asks what the damage is.

His hair’s darker than she remembers.

 _Aside from what else you did to yourself, Miss Carlson, you seem to be fine,_ he remonstrates. _You should stay here a few more days – jumping back in that excavation pit isn’t going to help your ribs any._

As he walks out the door, Juliet recognizes the pit in her stomach, the desire to follow, the wish he would say more and do more and finally, curses the broken bones that brought her to him. _The plan was to never lose him again,_ little Juliet reminds her.

But when she’s finally allowed to leave he stops by her room and tells her, _I’m off in ten minutes – would you like to get some lunch?_

Charlotte stands in the corner and motions wordlessly for Juliet to go, so she nods with a hopeful grin and tells him they can go dutch.

 _No, it’s my treat,_ he replies and Juliet remembers, dimly, how she fell so hard so fast for this man, remembers a night in a tent and breakfast cereal and swears if he doesn’t remember too she’ll make new memories for them. Suddenly, Juliet can’t let go of this dream (and the dreams come back).

He takes her out twice more that week, once to dinner and once to a boardwalk where Juliet watches the Indian Ocean lap against the beach, craves to dig her toes in the sand and drink rum. _We’ll come back,_ he promises in her ear and the salty wind makes her shiver.

Charlotte asks her about Jack when she comes over to Juliet’s station, relegated to cleaning pieces found by other apprentices until she’s healed, but Juliet doesn’t deny or defend, just admits Jack’s taking her out again. _For a doctor, he certainly has a lot of time,_ Charlotte teases and Juliet wonders, since Jack is real, if there might be a man named Daniel waiting somewhere for Charlotte.

Her bones are half-healed when Jack invites her to his place, lights candles and makes her waffles, carefully pulls her legs around his hips when she sinks back into his bed. There are perks to dating a doctor, if not being one, Juliet rationalizes, and rests against his shoulder, pleasantly achy.

When her internship ends, Jack tells her he’s found a position back in Miami (and Boston, and Portland) and Juliet doesn’t have the words except to say _They have old bones in Miami too_ before he kisses her and she prays this time, it will work and he will love her. She already loves him and doesn’t know if it’s herself, little Juliet, or a woman from another life who can’t let him go.

Frankly, Juliet doesn’t give a damn, just clings to Jack and lets him drag her down, focuses on his scent and how his hot skin tastes and the way he clenches inside her before she cries out.

 _I dreamt about you, when I was a kid,_ he says, gasping against her throat, and she pulls him closer, wraps her fingers at his neck and kisses him there. _I’m glad,_ Juliet says.

Can’t answer anything else because she knows there’s another woman in those dreams, knows he could still find her and love her and that in this life, she could still be second best. She's never met the woman, and Juliet hates her (hates him a little for ever loving her), so she digs her nails into Jack to mark her claim.

 _Do you dream about him?_ Jack adds and she freezes, tries to remember something besides glass walls and burnt muffins and afternoon campfires by the beach. She hasn’t thought of anything else in so long, and little Juliet forgot so much before she understood anyway. _I can’t remember,_ she answers and his breathing steadies against her. _Then I’m glad too._

The day before their flight, they visit the boardwalk once more, and Jack builds them a small fire while Juliet digs her toes in the sand, watches the planes take off from the small airport.

 _That’s us tomorrow, isn’t it?_ she asks, an old worry creeping into her voice and Jack shakes his head, laughs defiantly.

 _I booked us a cruise,_ he says, and leans over to kiss her.

He tastes like rum, and salt, and Juliet hums as she pulls him closer, dreams of (plans for) things that haven't ever happened.

Yet.

_Finis_


End file.
